I mean it is perfectly normal to hate one’s ex after a nasty break up. But I don’t believe a human being is truly capable of hating someone whom they once loved. Maybe someone out there is, but not me. I was hurt, I turned to hard drugs to numb the pain after loosing someone who was part of my life for over 5 years, both romantically and as a friend. I live in a fairly small town, and hang out in a scene where everyone goes to the same bars, coffee shops, and shows so running into him was unavoidable. It especially sucked when he began dating someone two weeks later. Everyone has a void to fill, I filled mine with heroin, he filled his with a crazy bitch who was nothing like me.
The break-up affected me so much. There were a lot of variables, but I believe that it was having an abortion that made me go insane for a couple of years. I am still recovering. I got pregnant March of 2016, I was irresponsible, we were irresponsible and it happened after years of unprotected sex. I was terrified, I needed him to be there for me, and he was, physically, but not emotionally. When I asked him what he thought he should do, he took the easy way out. “It’s your body, and your decision”. He then added that he thought it would be very difficult for us to raise a child, but he would support whatever choice I made. What a fucking cop out. I didn’t even realize how fucked his reaction was in that moment. So yes, I had an abortion, it was traumatic, and I still hate myself every day for it, and wonder what it would’ve been like to be a mother. But so it goes…. But that horrible experience thought me to be more strong willed.
So shout out to my ex, last name Hertz. Thanks for fun drunken nights. Thanks for believing in my art. Thanks for filling me with inspiration. When I was with you I felt like I could take on anything.I hope that one day we can be friends again, but who knows? I know he has big things coming. Keep working hard kiddo, you’re an amazingly smart and talented person. Just don’t forget about the people that love you along the way. I would hate to see you get to the top, alone. You deserve someone that challenges you and keeps it real. I think I challenged you for a long time, but I was too soft. Sorry I didn’t keep it real, that’s changed, I’m a straight up bitch now. Thanks for that too.
I do miss the letters you used to write me, and the long walks. Wish you the best my dude.