bite me

cropped-cropped-img_5169.jpgIt’s just the way I was brought up, some things our parents teach us when we’re kids we choose to keep, other’s we gladly discard when we leave the nest.
Very left ideals stuck with me.
I don’t want to talk about politics right now, I simply don’t have the energy to explain why I disagree with most democratic and republican ideals.

I guess I am trying to understand why I haven’t entirely put my guard down. I am not allowing myself to be completely vulnerable. Perhaps there was too much damage done too soon. Maybe it’s me. It is most definitely me. It is almost impossible to distinguish real and valid feelings from those distorted thoughts fueled by a combination of Borderline Personality Disorder, body image issues, and manic depression. I mean take drugs out of the equation and you’re left with unmedicated,  damaged goods. Is one better than the other?

I have a damn good intuition. Usually the knot in my stomach which emerges from nowhere and keeps me up at night when my life is as balanced as it gets tells me I am lying to myself. It warns me to be cautious and protect my heart. That knot is back and has stuck around for weeks now.

Either way, my dear. I get this feeling we’ve both met our match. Welcome to me.

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3 thoughts on “bite me

  1. I didn’t know you identified as a communist. We can be comrades!
    We are all damaged people. I can’t say that I value letting my guard down, or being vulnerable that much. There is a balance of finding the right face to present to the world, something that is honest enough that you can feel comfortable, but not so honest as to create risk. I dunno. And thoughts and feelings are always real and valid for your experience, it’s choosing which ones you want to let free onto other people that is hard.

    We should hang out soon, get coffee or something.
    -Brandon

    Liked by 1 person

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