chemical imbalance

img_0392sometimes I hate myself

today I hate myself

today I purge

today I purge my body of impurities

sometimes I love myself

today I’m content with watching New Mexico sunsets alone

bellyaches wake me up in the middle of the night

throat burning

stomach acid

watering holes

do you miss me?

dear green eyes, dear blue eyes, dear brown eyes

you can’t save me from myself

tired so tired so tired of trying

it’s a drag to breath these days

when I quit drinking I will come see you



Great life choices 

Have you ever hated yourself?

Do you ever dream while you’re awake?

The beauty of impermanence.

People always leave with decomposing smiles.

Feel less, think again.

I’m simple. I’m a single trail of smoke.

I like to dream when I’m awake.

have you ever been blue?

We sat in your car in the parking lot of a Burger King

drinking wine out of the bottle,

catching glances of stranger’s life through their car windows.

As we guessed their occupations and bad habits,

I welcomed vulnerability.

have you ever been blue?

I prefer music written in minor keys.

My relentless melancholy emerging to match the dahlias blooming on my ribcage.

The magnitude of your sadness spills over  the corners of your lips when you smile.

What a lovely mess, what lovely place.

I dream in black and white.















For your poetry. 

I miss the feel of you.

Rushed conversations on the telephone can never replicate

the words exchanged, the words left behind on my bed.

Pass the wine.

Pass the last line.

Trapped in a circle of indecisiveness ,

yours and mine.

Anticipating creations

mine and yours.

Chasing time zones,

to hear your voice.


August 8th 2017

white noise, white lies

sweet embrace

chocked out goodbyes

broken clocks and mended wounds

I give the best bad advice

don’t text me anymore

so much is lost in translation

hang up the phone



consistency? barely even knew her

twenty four & headstrong

coffee and american spirit cigarettes are the only consistent beings in my life

chasing pavement,

the smell of my grandmother’s perfume

and my self-esteem

all i can do now is

wait for winter

with my suitcase packed, stuffed underneath my bed

in hopes that it will take me

somewhere new

i like to collect wine corks empty lighters

they remind me of you






and it never waves goodbye

still in motionless flow

hand stretched out into the promise of hope

fingers touching the edge of tomorrow

I do not fear the unknown

recklessness and change are one in the same

chasing the second hand of the clock

my biggest fear is falling through the cracks of history books on dusty shelves


getting lost in between the pages of calendars, forgotten

still in motionless flow

hand stretched out into the promise of home

fingers touching the edge of yesterday

I do not fear the unknown

I guess,

if home is where the heart is

mine lays scattered across the roads

and the interstates of the towns I haven’t been yet

goodbyes and broken clocks

time never waits for anyone

especially me