To let go

bitter coating of your serpents tongue

you lie through your teeth

with your faithless speech

i know it is fear that rules the corners of your heart
i gladly let you take a chunk of my flesh

to mold into your liking

during manic episodes, when sleep escapes me,

i watch you at night, in awe

i wish you could see yourself how i see you

there is nothing quite like riding this man made burning ship

with you, as my captain, blind


Ode to 23

Hungover bodies spilled side by side dehydration gets to you first,

shoes in hand, you walk out the door, quiet.

Left over pint of cheap gin in your pocket, set aside for the afternoon.

Joke’s on you, I’m still drunk and I haven’t slept in three days.


As the daylight stretches thin

I trade sorrow for monotonous routine.

I welcome long nights and slurred speech with opened arms.

Joke’s on me cause booze don’t cut it no more.


I’ve been wearing long sleeves since September

for practicality, mainly.

I wonder if anyone notices how many times

I’ve excused myself to cry in the bathroom at parties…

I turn you on your side when we sleep cause I love you, sure,

but mostly cause it’s easier to go through your pockets this way.

I don’t care,

I don’t want to think about it.


I miss I miss I miss.

The feel the feel the feel,

of me when I was warm and


Why do I even have a calendar?

Pages don’t turn themselves.


Time does funny things to people like us,

hours run around in circles



Begin again right where we left off.


Lucid dreams with your orange shirt so vivid.

Cautious living,

Joke’s on me, I’m in love again.

But we don’t say that to each other anymore.

It’s better this way,

It is better to ride out the limbo of uncertainty,

until one of  us falls off.

The edge of the earth never looked so promising.


lover i love you

why do I have this feeling?

that all you’ll leave behind

is a rolled up $5 bill

laying on my wooden floor,

next to empty drug bags.

I know I should say goodbye

but your pale eyelids

and the mountains of your shoulders

have me stuck in bed

next to you, stomach acid burning my throat,

rib cage exposed, back soft and unprepared,

committed to the danger we created.




Hello everyone, my name is Jean and I’m an addict.


i feel pretty
I feel beautiful in this photo. ❤

I got fucking vodka, make out with my girlfriend in front of the guy I’m seeing (and everyone) drunk last night. He wasn’t too pleased, which makes sense since were supposed to be not seeing other people. NEWSFLASH AMERICA: I cannot drink in moderation. I thought I could, I did for about 2 weeks, but last night, I got fucking white girl wasted. Sure, I’m not shooting heroin anymore, but it’s a slippery slope for me. I almost picked up k too. Fuck dude, I love k, I love drugs, but I can’t put myself through that again. Addiction sucks.

Yeah, Cameron, you’re fucking beautiful but you’re bad news. I fucking love that.

That’s horrible. This is what my number one, bad ass lady friend Kymberlee told me, via text:

When we talk about addiction, I think we should talk about being addicted to certain feelings, rather than drugs, because certain drugs give us certain feelings. I think people become addicted to toxic relationships long before they become addicted to toxic substances. And you’ve been addicted to toxic men for as long as I’ve known you (7 years, if you guys are wondering). You’ve beat H. YOUR STRENGTH IS INSURMOUNTABLE. Now, you have to beat your addiction to yucky men.

She’s right. I know she’s right. But I love him. . I have sick daddy issues y’all.

I’m going to an NA meeting tonight, if I can stay awake after work. Fuck, threw away 5 months sober. No regrets, I loved almost every minute of it.

I wish I could say I was done with Cameron, but we’re just getting started. It’s bad, I know. Fuck me.

PS: I really like girls, I really like kissing them. Girls are so fucking beautiful. I’m bi as fuck.

PSS: what do you even do when the man you love tells you he’s been planning his suicide for months?


fuck boys, fuck boys everywhere

lol I do this thing, where I fall for men that are horrible for me cause I love to put myself through emotional distress. Goddamn goddamn. Funny part is, I’m not done yet. I hate that I’m your second choice, but I have low self esteem so whatevs right?

Borderline Personality Disorder. That’s my label. Make sense?

I can’t tell if I’m bored because you’re no longer unattainable or if we’re just getting started. Or I might just do something crazy to fuck things up cause I sense you’re gonna dump me so I HAVE TO DUMP YOU FIRST cause abandonment issues.

Bring it on dude, let’s destroy each other.



I want the kind of love that shakes my core, elevates me, destroys me, kills me.

I was put on this earth to love and to be loved.

To feel pain, to feel it all. Cause I’m not really living unless I’m in love or creating.

Lovers have made me feel unique, desired, alive.

Lovers have crushed my spirit.

Lovers have restored my faith in humanity countless times.

Lovers have fueled my immense list of  bad habits.

Lovers have given me art.

Today, as I walked home from the movie theater, it hit me, how terrified I am, because I love someone so intensely and unconditionally. Because I don’t know how to do anything half way; I’m all or nothing. I’m terrified because he will destroy me and I will gladly let him.


Nights, just summer nights please and thank you!

Picture of me cheesin’ like the dork that I am. Cameron looking confused, I know it isn’t the most flattering photo of us, but I really think it sums up last night beautifully.

I missed the pillow talk, I missed it more than the sex.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks about suicide, it was a heavy conversation, but I’m glad we share similar views on such a morbid subject.

You’re a babe, babe. Hope you stay a little while.

How does a person fall so unconditionally in love as quickly as I did? Fuck dude.